The Most Amusing and Revealing Takeaways From the NFLPA’s Annual Player Survey (2024)

It’s a great day for gossips and snitches—and anyone who thinks talented employees who perform dangerous and highly sought-after work deserve a half-decent break room. The NFL Players Association on Wednesday released its second annual set of club report cards, the player surveys in which NFL players grade what their teams are like as a workplace, à la Yelp reviews. Once again, the surveys were revealing, and they seem to be a big success for the union. Participation was high—1,706 active players participated, over 77 percent of the membership and up from 60 percent last year—and, though there were still some eyebrow-raising shortcomings described in what teams are offering players, there were also multiple examples in which issues that were called out last year have since been improved.

That’s not the case everywhere, of course. While some players described team cafeterias in a way that’s suggestive of your local Erewhon, other clubs are seemingly charging players for days-old mystery meat. Some players described luxurious travel accommodations (spacious airplane seats and solo hotel rooms!), while others made it seem like teams were shipping their equipment to road games on the Ever Given. But hey, at least the Jaguars don’t have rats anymore. Here are the biggest takeaways from the survey:

The Jaguars Don’t Have Rats Anymore!

Congratulations to Jacksonville on removing the rats from its laundry hampers! The Jaguars had the biggest glow-up of any team, finishing fifth a year after coming in 28th in the inaugural survey. Jacksonville opened a new training facility last season, which has been well-received; the report card noted that “respondents gave strong scores for their locker room, training room and weight room,” all of which are presumably rodent-free.

But the Bucs Have Shower Bugs

The Bucs ranked 24th and were saved from anything worse based on strong marks for the coaches. The NFLPA’s write-up, however, was tough. Players described the locker room as “unclean” and “smelly” and said they regularly saw bugs in the showers. The team sauna is apparently broken down. The Bucs are also not big on perks for travel or families: Younger players on the team must have roommates on away trips unless they’re willing to pay over $1,750 for their own room each season. Tampa Bay does offer day care on game days but charges $90 per child.

Shame Works

The Jaguars weren’t the only team that made clear improvements in areas highlighted by last year’s survey, which was the first of its kind. The Cardinals stopped charging their players for meals (players still say the food is bad, but at least now it’s bad and free), upgraded their weight room, and added a room for families on game days. I’m not sure how much credit this deserves, but the Bengals, who were called out last year for not offering three meals a day to players, now offer three meals … on Wednesdays. Cool.

Nepo Owners Want You to Pay for Snacks in the Break Room

Want to see a great chart?

That’s a great chart. Props to NFL reporter Nick Korte, who thought to sort the team owner grades by whether the owner bought or inherited the team.

The club owner category was new this year (as was a head coach–specific grade) and was weighted most heavily among categories in the overall grade. Players completing the survey were instructed to grade their team owner exclusively on their willingness to invest in the team and its player facilities. As Korte found, players graded owners who purchased their teams as significantly more willing to spend than those who inherited them. Eight of the nine highest-graded owners (plus the Packers; don’t worry, we haven’t forgotten you’re special) all bought their teams themselves. The four worst-graded owners all inherited them.

There are, of course, exceptions. Panthers owner David Tepper bought the team himself and is among the richest members of his cohort leaguewide, but he had the fifth-worst grade of any owner because players do not believe he is willing to invest money into facilities. “The number one example is the field surface in their stadium, with ownership deciding to change from natural grass to synthetic turf in 2021,” Tepper’s section of the Panthers report card reads. “When asked this season, 100% of player respondents in Carolina said that they would prefer to play on grass than turf. It is a major frustration within the locker room feeling like they are being forced to play on a surface that is not as safe, simply because it is cheaper to maintain.”

In general, though, teams run by the offspring of billionaires who were born into ownership are stingier than those whose owners spent their own money on them.

The Broncos Have a Car Theft Problem

The best non sequitur of the survey goes to Denver, for this line in its report: “Players feel like they lack an individualized workout program from their strength coach and reported that there were multiple cars stolen from the parking lot of the mandated team hotel during training camp.”

This is (1) wild and (2) probably not really the team’s fault, but let’s get these men a garage, maybe?

The Raiders Would Like to Remind You They Really Did Not Like Josh McDaniels

The NFLPA said these surveys were completed between August and November. Do you know what was happening in Las Vegas between August and November? McDaniels was the head coach of the Raiders. Quite a time to have an open suggestion box!

Like the ownership grades, the NFLPA added a head coach–specific grading category this year. While you might assume this provided a welcome opportunity for players to vent about their bosses, this was one of a few categories that indicated players weren’t approaching these surveys with axes to grind. Some areas tended to receive more negative feedback than others—leaguewide, a lot of players wished their travel arrangements were better for road games, that there was better-tasting food at facilities, and that their families got more support, but most seemed relatively appreciative of their coaches, athletic trainers, and the strength staff, if not always their facilities. All but three head coaches got at least a B-minus; 19 got at least an A-minus. There was just one D among the bunch: McDaniels. The Raiders’ dislike of his coaching was statistically significant.

They’re Giving Out F-Minuses in the NFLPA Survey!

Speaking of the grading scale, the NFLPA asked players to give scores from zero to 100 in various categories and then translated the results into basic letter grades. A 97 to 100 got an A-plus, 93 to 96 was an A, and so on and so forth … all the way down to an F-minus for any grade from zero to 49. An F-minus! I didn’t really know that existed. That’s like … really bad. Here are all the F-minus grades handed out:

• The Bengals, Steelers, Patriots, and Commanders for “treatment of families”
• The Bengals for “food/cafeteria”
• The Bengals (yikes!) for “nutrition/dietician”
• The Commanders for “locker room”
• The Commanders for “training room”
• The Falcons for “strength coaches”
• The Chiefs (!) for “ownership”

This is my mental image of what they’re serving in the Bengals cafeteria.

Players Feel Training Rooms Are Significantly Understaffed

One general takeaway was that players with the majority of teams reported not feeling like they got enough support from trainers. The CBA mandates that each team must employ at least three on-site trainers, but players believe that number is too low. The Cowboys, who had finished fifth overall in the rankings last year, dropped to 12th in large part due to the 30th-place ranking of their training staff, which players said was because of understaffing. For a team that built a sentient hologram of its owner last offseason, it doesn’t seem like it’s too much to ask to make a few hires in an area that should have a direct impact on on-field performance. Many players also felt that their weight rooms could use an upgrade—though only the Patriots had a majority of players report feeling like their facilities were worse than what they could access on their own.

Miami Dolphins … No Notes

Miami Dolphins, your mother and I are very proud of you. Look at this report card!

The Dolphins finished first in the survey, just ahead of the Vikings, who finished atop the rankings last year. J.C. Tretter, the NFLPA president, said that Miami and Minnesota were “in a class of their own” in terms of the workplaces they’ve provided to players and that those two teams finished well ahead of the rest of the league. These two organizations are developing clear reputations as ones that players like playing for. It’s probably not a huge advantage in free agency—players will usually go to the highest bidder—but it’s not meaningless, particularly for the Dolphins, who are also offering warm weather and no state income tax.

Overall, the top five teams in the survey were Miami, Minnesota, Green Bay, Philadelphia, and Jacksonville. The bottom five were Pittsburgh, New England, the Chargers, Kansas City, and Washington.

I’m Beginning to Think Chiefsaholic Was an Inside Job

Look at these Super Bowl champion cheapskates:

Now read this excerpt from the Chiefs report card: “Though the players received actual chairs with backs to sit in at their lockers in response to last year’s feedback, it did not change the fact that the locker room is overdue for a renovation. What adds to the frustration is that management told the players that renovations would come after the 2022 season. The players went on to win the Super Bowl and when they arrived back at their facility for the 2023-2024 season, they realized the team never followed through with the promised renovation (other than adding chairs).”

Other than adding chairs! Congratulations on winning another Super Bowl, boys: We swapped out the stools! Another reveal was that Chiefs players can’t get soft-tissue treatments like massages for injury prevention or day-to-day recovery, which the survey described as “a regular offering across the NFL.”

Not for nothing, but the Chiefs are also an outlier in cash spending on player contracts. Meanwhile, they’re asking for a billion dollars of taxpayer money to renovate the Arrowhead parking lot or something.

Because of all this, Chiefs owner Clark Hunt received an F-minus, the lowest grade for any team owner surveyed. I need everyone involved in this organization to stop buying Taylor Swift the world’s tackiest purses and get these men some reasonable facility upgrades.

Is This Why Philip Rivers Left the Chargers?

The Chargers, who finished first in my personal rankings of teams that can’t get out of their own way, are nickel-and-diming their players on childcare. Los Angeles ranked 27th, with a grade of F, in the family treatment category, which seemed mostly based on the team’s day care policies. The Chargers have a family room at the stadium but only provide day care off-site, which players said was inconvenient. They are also one of the few teams that charge for childcare services, asking players to pay $75 for the first child and $50 for each additional child per family.